she'd be happy with him
And you can't see what I've been hinting at
and I don't know what to do.

I'm too scared of the heartbreak
and I can't afford to loose you...

Lost in Translation - Tiger Darrow

This song sums up how I feel as of now. I feel like I should be so happy right now, for me, for him. But I can't. It's been great, he made it, we made it, but I didn't make us. I see you every day, and one glance makes me jump. You play a sonata on your saxophone and take it in, I breath it through my everything, because for that moment you can be my everything. For that moment I have an excuse to call you beautiful. I have an excuse to stare at you study your jaw line, the twirl of hair behind your ear, the way you did up your hair like a jock would, but because you're so kind and sincere you pull it off. The way you look so good in your uniform, and how I have to tell my best friend right away. I have an excuse so sit next to you, and watch your long dry fingers play the tune, and decide that they make me like you so much more. I get to smile at you and tell you how much I love the sound you play. Then, If I'm lucky, I can play you something for you, and you'll listen. And this gives me a reason to wonder if  you look at my freckles, or how awkward I look in that sweater, but I wear it anyways because it's warm, and it shows off my band-geek pride. I wander if you notice I didn't wash my hair, but I did put on a little bit of makeup in hopes that you would notice that I put a little makeup on. I wouldn't wear it if you noticed it. It's not that I don't want you to notice me as a friend, I figure that if i want to be in like like with you that we should simultaneously be basically best friends. I wish you knew I wrote about you. Maybe I should compose something for you, and play it while you're around. But you'd never catch on... Cake.
And that girl, she's not cool man. I mean really, she's so, for lack of better description "preppy". Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that? I doubt she appreciates your being able to play "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the sax like I do. Does she play Pokemon until 2:30 on the band-bus with you? And enjoy it? How are you going to have a conversation about how "that new piece Russel gave to us today is crazy!" because all she'll say is "Piece of what?" How could you live like that? I want you more than anything. I'd give up almost any opportunity for you to just understand how I feel.